Albany Missionary Baptist Church (Albany, Oregon)

What Makes a Godly Marriage?

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Learn what God says about marriage and how it is to function in order to be successful. Whether you are thinking about getting married or already are, God’s word tells us all we need to know in order to have a happy, fulfilling marriage that will please our Lord.

Download the PDF version of this bible study here for offline viewing or printing.

WHY DID YOU GET MARRIED?

 

Gen. 2:18                           Man is not to be alone

 

  1. A Help meet is one who helps – emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally, and socially.

 

Gen. 2:20-25                      Adam alone, woman taken from man

 

  1. Adam looked at Eve as his equal (Vs. 23). He gave himself to her and she to him.

  2. Responsibility for the marriage is on the man. He’s to cleave or stick to her.

 

 WHY DOES MAN GET MARRIED?

 

  1. Companionship = trust commitment, intimacy, fidelity.

    1. The union is not dissolvable. There is no divorce in God’s plan. “They shall be one flesh.”

  2. Children (Gen. 1:28)

 

Ps. 127:1                         Except the Lord build the home

 

Ps. 128:1-6                     Want a successful marriage? Fear the Lord.

 

  1. If both parties in a marriage fear the Lord and put Him first, they shall have a successful marriage.

 

The reason that most marriages in our New Testament churches are not healthy is because of a lack of role understanding, i.e. men taking the roles of women, and women taking the roles of men.

In order to have a successful Biblical marriage, both parties must understand their role in the marriage – not man’s ideas about marriage, but God’s.

When members of a N.T. church have an unhealthy marriage, the N.T. church they are a part of becomes unhealthy.

Most marriages are made up of eye-service, i.e. one way in public and church and another way at home.

 

Eph. 6:6-7                          Not with eye service as men pleasers

 

  1. No honor and no respect of one another.

  2. Your wife is not your slave, your “old lady,” etc.

 

I Peter 3:7-8                      Having compassion, one of another

 

  1. According to knowledge – no secrets, communication (both involved).

  2. Husbands let the wife know what God’s Word expects out of both of you.

  3. When a marriage does not function according to God’s plan, your prayers are hindered.

  4. Husband and wife are to be of one mind, have compassion for each other, be respectful, love as brethren, be pitiful, and be courteous.

  5. In marriage there is a physical, social, emotional, and spiritual relationship.

  6. When you fight, do you try to solve the problem or do you try to hurt each other’s feeling.

 

HUSBANDS:

 

A person, who believes the Bible, cannot deny that God intends for man to be the physical and spiritual leader in the home. The man caries the most influence in the family, or at least should. With that comes a great responsibility that men today are not taking.

 

  1. Husbands, your wife should never have to go to a Bible study, youth rally, youth meeting, church service, or function without you.

  2. Try to tell God you’re the leader of your house, yet your wife is the spiritual leader in the home. When the man tries to become the head of the home, he then has to fight the wife and the kids to regain his leadership position. This causes a divided home.

  3. Throughout scripture, in every leadership position, it is the men leading out – not women.

 

We will not understand how to love Christ or His N.T. Church (which cannot be separated) until we understand how to love our wives spiritually.

 

Eph. 5:22                           Husbands love your wives

 

  1. God commands the husband to love his wife as Christ loves His N.T. Church.

  2. The husband is the head of the wife – not master, but head.

  3. A head is the leader; a leader sets the example that others follow.

  4. Husbands, maybe the reason you are having problems in your marriage is because everyone else is following your example.

  5. Today men are lazy. They’ve tried to give their responsibility to the women.

    1. Bills: Most men have their wives pay the bills, tell them not to bother them, and usually don’t have a clue as to their financial situation.

    2. Discipline: If there is any, it is the wife doing most of it.

    3. Spiritual: It’s the wife leading out, having to drag an unwilling husband and soon unwilling children.

 

Gen. 18:19                        God knew how Abraham would lead

 

  1. Abraham commanded his household and they followed.

  2. Why was Abraham able to command? Because the lifestyle he lived before them.

 

At the heart of this type of leadership is love.

I Cor. 13:1-8                       Have not love, I am nothing

 

  1. Love is not defined by words, but by actions. Love is an action word.

  2. If a so-called Godly marriage does not show man loving his wife as Christ loves His N.T. Church it is not a Godly marriage.

  3. With love (in marriage) there is no room for selfishness.

  4. No name-calling, no trying to hurt each other’s feelings.

 

How do I get my wife to submit?

 Zech. 4:6                              By example

 

  1. If you follow the plan of the Lord, you’ll treat her the way God’s Word teaches. Honor, cherish, and love her and she will submit willingly.

  2. If you don’t, you’re in for an unhappy marriage.

 

Husbands, what if on Judgment Day it was your wife and children who were to judge you for your spiritual leadership and responsibilities?

 

Josh. 24:15                             As for me and my house

 

  1. Have you been a Joshua?

 

WIVES:

A woman cannot really understand what it means to be a wife until she appreciates that God designed her to be a help to her husband.

Being a help includes:

 

    1. Friend (Gen.2: 18). How sad that marriages are made up of two people living under one roof that are not friends and who fell very lonely.

    2. Dependency (I Cor. 11:11-12). One of the worst mistakes is for a wife to become independent or give the impression that she does not need her husband / or the husband the wife.

    3. Intimacy. The relationship needs to be intimate.

 

IN a Godly marriage, two people are to become one. This means two intellects, two sets of emotions; two wills have been joined to constitute one.

To keep this union from fracturing and destroying it self, one of those people are charged by God with leadership and one is charged with submission.

 

I Cor. 11:3,9,11,12                          God’s order of things

 

  1. In order for us to have happy, successful lives, we must follow the pattern the Lord has set up.

  2. For a woman to be under submission does not mean or imply that she is inferior.

  3. Submission involves:

    1. Obedience (excluded are demands that break God’s law).

    2. Respect – you don’t go behind his back to get your own way.

    3. Behavior – behavior can help heal a relationship and be a witness for the lost.

    4. Attitude – The attitude of your heart towards this person. The fastest way to destroy a marriage is to keep track of all the faults and wrong doings and keep reminding each other of those things.

We live in a world today that says everyone and everything is equal. Wrong. God did not create men and women the same. To be equal is to be the same.

 

Should a woman change her last name?

 

Ps. 45: 10,16.                     Not to do so shows a lack of submission to God and to her husband.

 

I Peter 3:1-8                           Being in subjection to your own husband

 

  1. How a woman carries herself in her relationship has a great bearing on how that relationship is going to work.

  2. Some women spend a great amount of time working on the outside when the Bible teaches to work on the things within.

  3. How many wives can honestly call heir husbands “lord” and mean it? Sarah would have called her husband lord no matter how she was treated.

  4. Can your marital relationship hinder your prayers? Bible says yes.

 

I Tim. 2:9-15                         Suffer not a woman to teach or usurp

 

  1. God did not intend for a woman, whether in marriage or not, to be in a leadership position.

  2. Who is the spiritual leader in the home? The spiritual must be first.

  3. The plan that God has set up must be followed in all aspects of our lives.

 

Titus 2:1-8                             Things that become sound doctrine

 

  1. All doctrine is directly related to and has an influence on a N.T. Church.

  2. Not understanding or doing our respective roles as men and women affect the function of the N.T. Church.

  3. Did God intend for a woman to work outside of the home? No!

  4. Vs. 5 ends… “that the word of God be not blasphemed.” (To curse God)

  5. Humanism says that it’s O.K.

  6. If the Bible is wrong here, then it’s wrong other places too.

 

PHYSICAL RELATIONSHIP WITHIN A MARRIAGE

 

There is a great problem in a marriages today and marriages within our N.T. churches regarding husbands and wives not understanding their physical responsibility to each other.

There is more to a marriage than sex, yet it has it’s place and is very important. It can cause a marriage to end or develop other problems.

 

Gen. 2:18-25                    God created the woman to be help meet for the man

 

  1. God gave man his will, his desires.

  2. Until sin entered into the first marriage, they were naked and were not ashamed.

  3. In marriage, there is no shame between husband and wife in a sexual relationship.

  4. A sexual relationship is not wrong within God’s plan. It is only wrong outside of marriage.

 

Heb. 13:4                              Marriages are honorable in all

 

  1. Undefiled means unsoiled, pure.

  2. God will hold us responsible for our marriages.

  3. Basically there are three reasons for a sexual relationship.

    1. Children

    2. To promote love

    3. To prevent fornication

     

Matt. 19:5-6                        They twain shall become one flesh

 

  1. Marriage is forever. It is not to end when things go wrong.

  2. Two people who love each other, love the Lord, and are willing to put Him first and work out anything (Phil.4: 6, I Pet. 5:6-8, Matt. 6:33).

  3. For a marriage to work they must become one flesh, both must trust each other physically and emotionally.

 

I Cor. 7:1-9                          Principles of married life

 

  1. If a marriage does not have a healthy physical relationship, it is in trouble, (barring some type of physical problems).

  2. A lack of physical relationship comes as a result, lack of respect within the marriage, lack of communication, lack of trust, lack of understanding the needs of each other.

  3. Too often sex is used as a weapon – designed to gain control (Vs. 4).

  4. A sexual relationship is not for one more than the other. God expects it to be for both. Communication is the key.

  5. Your physical relationship should not be out of some sense of duty.

 

Prov.5: 15-20                       Faithfulness within a marriage

 

  1. It’s God’s desire for a husband and wife to have a physical relationship and to be satisfied in it.

  2. No other person will ever satisfy you both physically and emotionally other than your spouse.

  3. It takes both giving up ones self – giving to each other, to trust completely.

 

John 14:15                          If ye love me keep my commandments

John 15:7,11                       That your joy may be full

 

John 13:17                          Happy are ye

 

Luke 6:46                           Why call me Lord

 

 God’s ways work, why don’t you give them a try!